Bloggerlife.blog

04/13/2025

Today’s blog

Lynn Murphy Mark

Foxtrot Delta Tango

There are t-shirts coming out with various iterations of the letters, FDT. No, it’s not a misspelling of the famous florist company. It does represent three words that have become way too popular in my daily vocabulary. As soon as I see 47’s face or hear his raspy voice the once-forbidden foxtrot word busts into consciousness. As helpless as I feel in the wake of his dangerous and sadistic polices, it is one expression that I can utter, hopefully to myself.

We had dinner with friends last night. All of us are gay and two couples are lawfully married – for now. One of the women is pretty sure that when 47 has finished banishing people from this country, he is coming after us. She and I agreed that it’s altogether possible that our marriages may be in danger. 

Jan and I have been together since 2005. In 2006 we had a lovely commitment ceremony at Trinity Episcopal Church officiated by our friend, Reverend Anne Kelsey. She was brave enough to hold our ceremony before it was completely acceptable to do so. In 2014, we were living in Santa Fe. That year, New Mexico legalized gay marriage. I remember going to city hall to get our marriage license. The clerk there declared it one of  her happiest duties to hand out the precious certificates. On June 11, we had a private ceremony at our home. Reverend Brandon Johnson pronounced us a married couple. 

In all our time together we have not tried to convert anyone to gay-ness. We have not interfered in anyone’s marriage to declare it not acceptable for whatever reason. We have not protested against gay couples who adopt babies and give them happy and healthy homes. We have not objected to people’s desire to transform their bodies to better express who they feel themselves to be. 

We have explained to our grandsons that a solid marriage is between two people who love one another and are devoted to each other. Our youngest, Alexander, asked in wide-eyed innocence, “You mean girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys?” Yes, Xander, yes they can. For the time being, anyway. 

According to the Holocaust Encyclopedia, “Before the Nazis came to power in 1933, gay communities and networks flourished in Germany, especially in big cities…during the Nazi era between 5,000 and 15,000 men were imprisoned in concentration camps…This group of prisoners was typically required to wear a pink triangle on their camp uniforms.”

At the dinner table my friend and I expressed our concern that the way MAGA policies are being pushed through it won’t be long before there is a declaration that gay marriages are not legitimate. Jan, being her brave self, declared that this is a hill she is prepared to die on. 

She and our other dinner companions grew up in the 40’s and 50’s when the only option was to live in the proverbial closet. They have lived through the worst kind of prejudice. They have worked in professional capacities, hiding their other life from co-workers and supervisors and organizations. They have kept their intimate relationships a deep secret for years. 

This is why I found Jan in tears that day in Santa Fe as she was holding the newspaper with a big title about the approval of gay marriages. I don’t think she ever thought she would see that day. She was undone by this new freedom. We didn’t wait too long after that to formalize and legalize our relationship. We decided to acknowledge our civil right to do so. 

I remember Reverend Brandon telling us how he and our senior minister had gone to city hall to officiate dozens of marriages on that first day of legal status. People were there from Texas and surrounding states to proclaim their right to marry. He was there for hours as couple after couple were joined in holy and civil matrimony. He said he will never forget that day. Nor will I. 

Foxtrot Delta Tango.