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07/22/2025

Today’s blog

Lynn Murphy Mark

Tempus fugit

Today is a special day for Jan and me. A mere nineteen years ago we walked down an aisle at Trinity Episcopal Church in the Central West End of Saint Louis. We walked arm in arm toward the front, where Reverend Anne Kelsey was waiting for us. I remember that Jan was pretty nervous as evidenced by some shakiness. She wore a pink jacket. I wore a navy blue suit with a beaded pin at my neck that had been made by my hostess here in Baltimore – my sweet friend Katie. 

It was 2006 and we had met each other less than a year before, in August of 2005. We had an introductory coffee at a Starbucks and were off and running, well, maybe trotting, and never looked back. Jan took me to her Episcopal church where I met Reverend Anne. Shortly after the first of the year 2006, Jan started talking about having a Commitment Ceremony at Trinity. She told me she had never felt like celebrating a partnership in this way but now it seemed like the right thing to do.

We made an appointment with Reverend Anne to talk about a plan. We met, and she was caught by surprise at our request. She said she would need to meet with us a few times before she could agree to officiating. Back in 2006, the Episcopal church was not somewhat divided on backing same-sex anything. She wanted to be sure if she presided at such an occasion we were fully aware of what we were asking. It’s not that she was reluctant to celebrate with us, but she did wonder if we had really know each other long enough.

After we convinced her that, at our age, we were pretty sure what we were asking her to do. We reminded her that we were 55 and 60 years old, not exactly blushing brides. Eventually we convinced her we were seriously joined at the heart and were a safe bet for her to make her own commitment. In 2006, the Anglican General Convention had passed a resolution that supported the full civil rights of gay and lesbian individuals. But this was not fully supported across the Anglican world. Since relationships within the Anglican Communion were strained over gay issues there was some reluctance to authorize blessings for same sex couples. The decision she had to make was the possibility of blow-back from the Saint Louis Episcopal Bishop. God bless her – she never looked back either.

People we loved took part in the ceremony. Jackie played her flute, Ted read a bible passage, our support-couple from the church stood up with us. We had asked our best friends to join us and read part of the ceremonial documents. Rose was there for me and Jacqueline joined Jan. 

When we turned around to face the congregation there were so many wonderful friends in the pews that tears began to flow. I will never forget that Katie made the trip to be with us, less than a month after Kemet had made his transition on their beautiful mesa in New Mexico. If that isn’t testimony to the power of soul-sisterly love, I don’t know what is. 

For Jan’s part her brother, to whom she had recently come out, was in the front row. From what I know about him, he was probably as uncomfortable as he could be. But he was there. He didn’t stay for the reception afterwards, but Jan had not even expected him to attend. After the ceremony we all went down to the meeting hall, that was decorated beautifully. Champagne flowed freely. Several toasts were made. Jan’s friend had made a gorgeous custom wedding cake. 

After all was said and done I was riddled with mild anxiety. So I snuck out to the parking lot and joined my smoker friends. Smoking was a part of my life then, much to Jan’s displeasure. It was absolutely the most calming thing I could do at that moment, so displeasure be damned. It was a beautiful, sunny July day, not too humid by Saint Louis Summer standards. It was basically a perfect day for such a union.

So, “tempus fugit”, time flies. Nineteen years later I am in Baltimore with Katie instead of at home with Jan – definitely poor planning on my part. But I’ll be home just before midnight, just in time for an anniversary hug.